Updated: Sep 27, 2019
It has been a very heart wrenching and emotionally draining few days. Let’s get down to it.
Why, seriously WHY!!!!! Do my kids say, “if I don’t feel like it, I don’t have to do it!” My husband and I have been dealing with our children deliberately with-holding kindness and blatantly being rude.
My kid literally refused to write an apologize even after the imminent threat of grounding for 2 months!! I calmly stated the consequences and walked away leaving my child to their thoughts. I have found that silence can be an extremely powerful ally. Finally, my child wrote an apology only her attitude went from being rude in person to on paper. My child pressed the pencil so hard while writing that she carved the words I’m sorry through the paper into the table. I am pretty sure that she did not have a softened heart of remorse when doing this. I mean, I could just be guessing here. This went on from about 6pm till a little after 8 pm.
I did not accept the apology note, I knew it needed to be sincere and if nothing else done without malice. The accursed (in their eyes) apology was written legibly, now this beloved child of mine was to read it out loud to the other person in this situation. But my child refused, "I shouldn’t have to do anything if I don’t want to." I wanted my child to know how the heart can be miss leading, there are times that we cannot only do things when we feel like doing them. We must keep our minds and hearts focused on doing the RIGHT thing.
Cue, another complete melt down.
Grounding sentenced was thus commenced. Threats and anger boiled out and over from this child. Slammed doors and stomping to their room…. This momma’s blood was HOT!!!! I told the child to come back, they declined with a well-aimed volley of, “NO,NO,NO, NO!” Remind you, I had remained calm throughout the almost 3 hours of turmoil, but I had, had ENOUGH! I climbed the stairs threw open the door and ……
I faced the choice what every parent on Earth is faced with. WOULD I RATHER...
A) Do I let loose my own emotions, express how bad the child is acting, list out the offenses, attitudes and consequences from this situation. OR
B) Do I imitate the calm, composed and determinedly loving Father?
Great!! Now I have to choose between right and wrong.
After about 30 seconds of heavy breathing, I walked into the sight of my child angry and with the blankets pulled over their head. I pulled the blankets off, placed my hand on my child and prayed out loud for guidance, understanding, and softened heart to what God is trying to create in our character. I prayed that God’s presences could be tangible felt in our home. I prayed to be a mom that speaks love and acts lovingly. I prayed for a good 5 minutes over my child. Kissed them goodnight and without saying another word turned off the lights and closed the door.
I would love to say that from there, there was an immediate miracle and there sort of was but not the one that looks pretty. Growing pains suck to go through but the results are rewarding. My child then began to scream and throw everything in their room. I did not go back in. I sat in the hallway and prayed. I prayed for my kids, my home and for what example I am trying to show them.
After some more screaming, I was still calmly sitting on the hallway floor. My child needed to use the restroom, as they were in the restroom, I did something I NEVER, EVER would have thought I would do. I cleaned and remade my child’s bed. I was not at all rewarding the behavior, but I was speaking to the heart. This child came back to her room and just watched me nicely and quietly making her bed. She never said a word and neither did I. She refused to sleep in the nicely made bed, instead she laid purposefully in the middle of the floor despite the kindness I am trying to show her.
I was still not giving up. I let her lay like that for about 15 minutes. When I came to check on her, she was trying to do homework by her night light. I didn’t yell at her, I said “Honey, let me help you to bed.” That is when the kindness became too much for her. She knew I could and maybe should have been yelling at her. She began crying, and pouring out why she doesn’t want to be grounded and she has to do homework and on and on. I never raised my voice all I said was, “you will have time in the morning, I love you too much to not let you rest, I can’t fix the choices you have made, but I can love you through the consequences.” She is still grounded, but that night I believe she realized the price of following her own choices. I asked her, “If the person you are right now could talk to the person you were 2 hours ago, what would you tell her?” I kissed her goodnight and left the room.
What I realized is that my children are extremely clever, and, in this instants, it is not a compliment. They have cleverly deluded themselves into thinking that you don’t have to decide if things are just either right or wrong but whether or not when faced with choices, that they have the RIGHT to decide IF THEY FEEL like doing it. Who cares if it’s right or wrong. This shattered my heart, to know that my children see the choices set before them and still hesitant in choosing good always.
I know God has told me also, I can’t fix your choices, but I can love you through the consequences. Sometimes (most of the time) parenting is like trying to shovel snow in the middle of a blizzard. But let us patents and kids not grow weary in doing good.
Proverbs 22:6 – “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.”