Parenting isn't just about behavior changes it, that's the surface. Parenting is about changing the heart.
1 Samuel 16:7 "But the Lord said to Samuel, "Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him, For the Lord sees not as man sees; man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart."
In the book Parenting is Heart Work by Dr. Scott Turansky & Joanne Miller it says. " Motivating heart change isn't easy. You can force a child to change behavior, but you can't force a change of heart. It's deeper work. Helping children change their hearts requires a lot of thought, planning and prayer. More and more parents are relearning discipline so that they can have lasting impact on their children.
Heart-based parenting is not a approach to discipline that is all mushy and lenient. Firmness and hard work produce character. The challenge is working with the heart to change on a deeper more effective level to they can flourish in their uniqueness created by God.
PARENTS!!!!! You are the experts in your children's lives, we are just your supporters. God specifically and intentionally put the children in your lives because He knew you would be the best choice to help those darling more towards who God called them to be. You just need a plan. It is so easy for us to parent on auto-pilot. We just work on the surface and make sure things look clean, are respectful and quiet, but that easily turns to chaos because of the lack of substance. Where are the roots??
Here are 7 Key parts of an Action Plan
1) Relationship - You and your child have to be emotionally connected. Engagement and connections produce relationship, this in-turn softens the heart to be understanding.
2) Firmness - We want the "misbehaving" to become uncomfortable and unwanted. Harshness is not the same as firmness. Firmness builds character. Stop having to add and add and add to punishments.
3) Visioning - Why?!?!? haven't you heard this from your kids a million times?? Help your kids envision why character is important. Paint the picture for them, show and tell them the benefits that come from acting with a Godly character. Get them excited of what their future holds for them. This helps to build internal motivation.
4) Prayer- This is central to connecting to God. God wants to empower change in our lives and the lives of our kids. We want parents to be empowered to help connect children to connect with God on their own. It all comes back to our belief that the #1 expert to show God to your children is....... you.
5) Teaching- Teaching them what obeying looks like, practice it and let them take ownership of their actions. Teach them what each Godly character quality looks like. Don't wait till you are at the FINAL exam of "how the kids are behaving at the grocery store". Talk and practice what for example obedience, kindness, gentleness looks like BEFORE they are placed in exam mode.
6) Coaching-Because you have created a relationship with your child, talk to them when they miss the mark on attitudes. Ask them, do you want a redo? Let them know that was not acceptable, remind them of the vision of what Godly characteristics look in their life. You cannot change their actions, but you can love them through the consequences.
7) Transferring Responsibility- Stop being the prompter of 'Did you do.....?" Prepare your kids to take responsibility for natural consequences and also take on responsibility for the solution and avoid the "victim" mentality.
Ask and the Lord will help you. Parenting is not about learning and listening to the voices of others. Parenting is about listening to God's voice and the voice he has given YOU. You are amazing and I adore your face!! :) :)
Be on the look out for our parenting class information ***COMING SOON!!!!